Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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