All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
