i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
