Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
