Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
