how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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