"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
