I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
