Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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