I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
