TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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