Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
