I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I hope mine doesn't look like that
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
