Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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