i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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