Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My feet surprised me
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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