but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
