walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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