I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
