i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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