do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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