I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
