fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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