I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
only you would photoshop your dick
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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