you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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