He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
