there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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