his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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