Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
