i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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