I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
