I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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