I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Panties = found
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