some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
