During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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