Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
