I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
