Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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