I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize