if i died would you start the facebook group?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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