Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
