New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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