Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i love accidental penises.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
