The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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