I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize