I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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