I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
