just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
