After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i think my tv is drunk
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
