Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
