my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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