3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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