I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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