It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
