I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
