It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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