i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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