Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
