I hate your face
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize